I am an unabashed fan of the podcast “372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back” (hosted by Rifftrax’s very own Mike Nelson and Conor Lastowka), and have chuckled and groaned along with all the bad books they’ve read. The best bad books are generally those written by earnest but incompetent people (granting a certain magic to the cynicism produced by collaborations such as Tekwar) and one can read along, enjoying the intent (however spectacularly failed) without much chagrin over the loss to literature.
But, as a horror aficionado, and as a lover of turn-of-the-century literature, Lair of the White Worm hit me where I lived: Here was a book by a competent writer with not just an iconic work under his belt, but perhaps the iconic horror classic of all time, Dracula. Written in the last year of his life, Bram Stoker’s final work introduces a number of chilling concepts. It also introduces assorted disposable characters, and a severe lack of continuity, but let’s focus on the chilling concepts.
As indicated in the title, Lair of the White Worm is about a worm—which, as any devotee of fantasy or horror knows is not generally meant to refer the humble earthworm but instead the wyrm, a snake or even more commonly, a dragon. Old school D&D players may recall the adventures of David Trampier’s lovable tough-talking, pool-shooting dragon named “Wormy”.
The book does, in fact, feature a worm, though there is considerable confusion as to the nature and origin of said worm. It features, obliquely, a lair, as well. You may take this and argue with a harrumph, “Well, sir, the book has delivered on what it promised and therefore should not be criticized,” but probably only if you enjoy channeling the late English character actor Terry-Thomas.
Fact is, this book is a mess. There was some confusion early on about it being a novella, but it is 75,000 words long. For Stoker, this might be a novella, given that Dracula is a whopping 161,000 words long, but in standard publishing format, that word count represents 300 pages. Even so, it is thinly drawn. Rich in concept, which is surprisingly easy to do if you never actually flesh anything out.
Adding to the chaos is the edition published in the ’20s after an editor by the name of David Price abridged the work. Price cut about 25% of the word count which definitely makes the book…shorter. Then he added some words, doubtless meant to clarify, which definitely made the book…longer. It’s not his fault, really: What Stoker meant to convey is not at all clear.
And hence this blog. What if we took the ideas Stoker presented and filled in some of the blanks? Could it be made into worthwhile reading? It presents many challenges, not the least of which is a stock character of the time—the degenerate African witch-doctor—who would be “problematic” by modern standards. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The best way to get started is to…get started. So, let us begin.
Lair Of The White Wyrm 